What To Do, What To Do?

So you are not a market participant. Good for you, although we're all market participants even if we own no stock, but that's another post.

So what can you do now to navigate the current malaise?

Well, if you work for a big corporation that is credit dependent and/or mass consumer focused, get ready to be fired.

No, just playing with you, a little job anxiety humor to start your Monday morning, better than coffee!

This is a great opportunity, go do what you love, be pro-active, stop sitting on your TARP ass, collecting a check, waiting to be fired, the height of misery.

Be an entreprenuer! Open a yoga studio.

See, when my best of friends, Govindas asked me last year if now was a good time to open a donation based yoga studio, which was the exact same time I was calling for a massive stock market crash, I answered him with a resounding YES!!

How is that, you may ask?

Well, any other business, involving anything other than gold cyanide capsules, I would have send No F-ing Way, and it would have been good advice. Shops that sell "stuff" are shutting down all over town, there are store-front vacancies on Main Street Venice/Santa Monica which was unheard of even last year.

But, big BUT, there is a demand for authentic experience, there is a demand for deeper meaning that was all but snuffed out during the materialism-fueled 80s and 90s, and a yoga studio with an established roster of teachers is a no brainer here in the yoga mecca of the world (Yes, west-side LA trumps India, ask the Indians.)

Not a yogi? Great, go volunteer in the countries that need it, dump your house/rental, leave the country for a bit, get some perspective, leave the box. If you just started a family, get help from your boomer parents who just blew this shit up. Go work in Africa for a bit and you'll become a yogi pretty quickly.

See we're programmed to believe otherwise, but you can do whatever you want if you stop chasing the paper for a year or two, they'll be plenty of time to resume the rat wheel when you return.

Nobody, nobody, not one died saying they wish they'd spent more time at work. Get out there, take a hike, go to the beach, re-connect with nature, make the connection of reverence and respect for the land, and even find your true calling in the environmental or alternative energy space.

That and the yoga/ consciousness/ holistic industry are the new, new things that will work here, vocations that you make a lifetime out of.

That or if you still have that raging Capitalist animal spirit, move to India, move to Asia. These tigers will have your Gordon Gekko on in a Mumbai minute!

And if you're local, visit the Bhakti Yoga Shala, you will love it. Bhakti means devotion. Bhakti is service. Go be of service not just to your family, but to your community and the world at large. It's a new era, consciousness is raising, I know you can sense it, even the skeptics can see it, if not feel it.

Be of service, you'll be fine.

Long Gay Marriage

Oh yeah.

If you're against gay marriage, you're on the wrong side of the trade.

And in a few years you'll have to explain why you were on the same side as this maniac/ douchebag.

You don't want to have to explain that to your kid.

Live and let live.

Don't be a douche.

Hello Happy People

Happy with your 401k bounce from the abyss?

Me too.

See this chart? It's a chart of the US Dollar v. a basket of foreign currencies, most of which are in Europe, which is in even worse shape than here.

So basically whatever gains you've had in your US stock and bond holdings, subtract 10% and that's your real return.

If you want to compare your returns v. a strong commodity currency like the Australian Dollar subtract 20%.

Happy now?

Great. Carry on.

Humiliation Is The New Enlightenment!

Hello radiant earth beings. Are you enjoying the end of Capitalism? Congratulations to Karl Marx, I should have read you in high school.

You see, we think we know, we think we know, we think we know. . .

And we know nothing. Not a fucking thing. If we could just keep that straight, that we are more or less clueless as to basically everything, we maybe, just maybe, can prevent ourselves from paying $70 for a tomato in 2011.

And to those that still think they know what the fuck they are doing despite all evidence to the contrary, to the Federal Reserve, to the current and previous administrations, a special shout out to ya! Booyah!

And a special shout out to the TARP bank oligarchy for continuing to suck the lifeblood out of the free enterprise system. You'll be able to tell your grandchildren you ended it.

And by "it", I mean everything.

Humble. Humility. Humiliation.

One of the greatest life lessons ever is that every time, and I mean every single time I have become too big for my britches, I am swatted down and squashed like gnat on an elephant's ass.

What is it they say in China,"The nail that stands out gets hammered down?" Yes, something like that.

That's the new ethos. So un-American, so collectivist, yet so exactly of the moment, and China will overtake us in very short order because of it. And deservedly so.

The American ethos of consumer narcissism is fucking done.

Good riddance, we were gagging on it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go waterboard myself.

Long Crying

Greetings white earthlings.

WARNING: No, not swine flu. Although please be careful with your (non-vegan) bacon consumption from mass produced slaughterhouses this week. And please keep your usual animal flesh gorging to neanderthalic minimums until this blows over.

Warning regarding the following piece: It is about money, so move on to the Huffington Post or ramdass.org if you are already mid-yawn.

I promise my next piece will be a vegan cookie recipe or a sitar youtube.

This is how we are trading armageddon and why (with a style nod to the Gartman letter, and giving you the benefit of the doubt in knowing we are simply talking/pumping our positions).

We are still very long of gold. We gave you this trade at the beginning of the year in the low $800s, it has been way up at $1000, back down again, and is now at $917. You made money on this trade if you did it. If not, you still have time. We have a silver miner as well to ride this train. You want the rationale, please scroll back (Jan+Feb).

We are long of Canadian Energy Trusts some yielding over 20%. Do you believe the banker bailout money printing bonanza will not cause commodity price inflation? Do you believe that Nat Gas will stay below $3.50 and Crude will stay below $50 next year? Do you believe that the US is better run than Canada? If yes to any of the above, do not do this trade.

We are long of China domestic/non-export companies. We are long of Indian companies of the same ilk. Have you been to India? Have you been to China? If not, move there and do this trade. If yes, move there and do this trade.

We are short of US equities as a hedge via DXD. We are short the worst companies of all time, the banks via FAZ. We don't care how many trillions the USG puts in the black hole, every one of these banks should be trading below $5 like any other government entity with endless losses and gains derived from government supported Enron Accounting.

Endless trough feeding via TARP, and FDIC borrowing at the artificial rate, you'd think these firms would be money machines.

You'd be wrong. Raging executive incompetence and a general public that has the nerve to actually understand the fleecing, will render these firms nationalized and trading near zero. Liquidate the shareholders, liquidate the bondholders, goodnight Citi, goodnight BofA. We are short Goldman Sachs via puts. We believe Goldman Sachs, besides being amazingly tone deaf, is the biggest menace to this country since Dennis the Menace.

We are short Commercial Real Estate/Simon Property Group via puts. George Soros is in this trade (short CRE). We are short Real Estate in general through SRS. If you do not understand derivatives stay away from the short trades. But we can recommend you sell your house and rent.

We are long Brazil via EWZ and some calls. We are long BIDU via calls on earnings tomorrow but may sell them before. We are also long of grains (non-animal Ags) through Chinese and Australian Ag firms. All positions are trade-able based on circumstances, meaning we can change our mind any time. If we do, we'll let you know.

We understand everything is still connected and a big selloff here will ripple everywhere.

We are net long, here.

We don't like bonds, not enough yield. We love Apple and probably always will but have no position in it.

We are long of Gay Marriage with a short position in Marriage In General as a hedge.

We are short of Torture with a long position in Gentle Slapping as a hedge.

We are long of Crying, unhedged.
We wish you luck in your trading.

Equanimity

There is a Zen koan of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years.

One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.

“Maybe yes, maybe no,” the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed.

“Maybe yes, maybe no,” replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.

“Maybe yes, maybe no,” answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.

“Maybe yes, maybe no,” said the farmer. . .

All-Time Greatest Vid To Get Your Weekend ON!!