Fuck

FLASHBACK:

(Nov. 18, 2007. . .Besides walking around as the human ATM, I spent the majority of my time in what may be the greatest bar ever -Leopold's (also made famous by Shantaram). It was there last night, that I appeared on this supposedly huge TV show in Asia -Mondo Magic. Check your local AsiaTV listings. I think they may have me falling out of my chair.

Also, I have a very good friend there, Mahesh, who served me 3 nights in a row, and looked out for me like a brother. I met a Brit, 2 Aussies, a Philly girl, the manager for French Laundry, the crew of Mondo Magic, as well as the usual criminal element. Also, Mahesh is delivering a message for me to Mr. Roberts. Please ask for Mr. Mahesh if you go, he is class A.

FAST FORWARD TO PRESENT:

According to tonight's WSJ: "The Leopold restaurant, one of the most popular with foreign visitors to the city, was riddled with bullet holes and there were blood on the floor and shoes left by fleeing customers."

These maniacs were looking for Westerners,and they went to all the right places. Currently, we have a hostage situation, where Americans, Brits and Jews are being held. Biggest crisis since 9/11.

I have full confidence in both our President and President Elect here. This is your time, guys. I also have full confidence that the Indian police will go in guns blazing, no hesitation.

I have no confidence the fire will be put out. Bucket brigade. No water.

Likely, these killers were trained in Pakistan. They look very young. And no, you can't just bomb the shit out of villages. Doesn't work. We must get in there and build schools. That's the answer. It's not quick. It's not easy. It's just what's needed.

I pray for you, Mahesh.

Happy Thanksgiving.

3 Point Plan To Save Mankind

1) Stop All Bailouts. Every one, and what we've already started, claw it back.

2) Guarantee All Bank Deposits. No limit, and guarantee all money markets.

3) Cut Corporate Tax Rates To Zero.

I really do not want to explain this plan. If you are of moderate intelligence, have a little bit of economics 101, and a little bit of common sense, you'll get it right away.

If not. . .oh fuck it, okay, basically this kills all the bad firms without touching Joe Public's cash savings.

This gives profitable firms like a 30%+ earnings boost. You'll see all the awful firms like Goldman, Citi, AIG, Morgan Stanley trading at zero, and firms that specialize in products NOT designed to destroy mankind trading much higher.

It's called Capitalism.

This plan has the added benefit of not bankrupting the country, and allows for your children to spend their formative years not eating each other.

What we are doing now is the opposite, throwing money at failing firms, solving our credit crisis with more credit and crony capitalism. Here's a similar idea, let's give the unibomber a cachet of WMD and tell him to build a park.

Take a breath, pause, and enjoy this: The firms most culpable for our current mess are the firms we have just bailed out.

Think about it.

Citi at the Trough

For Seconds!

Big sloppy seconds.

Get your riot gear.

Both parties in the pocket of Bob Rubin, Chairmen of Citigroup: Clinton Treasurer/ Obama advisor.

Third party candidates needed.

Citi Never Sleeps, Citi Sleeps With Fishes

Sorry, I was late with this one. Too many blow-ups to keep track.

This one. . .

kind of a biggie.

Too big to. . . er, bail?

Get some rest, Citi.

And more TV adverts, please.

Thank You For Your Service

Fair and balanced, Goldman Sachs top brass are forgoing bonuses this year.

This awesome piece of PR was counter- balanced today by the not so big secret they've been "naked" shorting everything in sight, including their own clients.

For example, they helped California sell municipal bonds, raking in their usual bounty, then turned around and told their other clients to short sell those same bonds, driving up borrowing costs in California. This may cause a CA bankruptcy. No biggie. . .

Thank you for your help.

I wonder how Arnold feels about this?

Hank Paulson: Secret Wizard

Michael Lewis, of Liar's Poker fame, another book recom- mendation, is a genius.

His end of Wall Street piece in Portfolio is a long but worthwhile read, and today's letter to Henry Paulson on Bloomberg is his usual hilarity:

As much as I admire all of your decisions I can’t help but notice that the main qualification of the bankers to whom you have been giving money, so that they might make smart loans, is that they have gone almost bankrupt by making stupid loans.

As your mind is subtle, I can only assume that you secretly believe that the American economy right now needs not smart loans, but more stupid ones -- and thus that you have targeted the bankers who have proven they can make them.

The most ridiculous thing is the geniuses at GS thought they could pull this off (The Bail Me Out Bro!! TARP 08) under the cover of night, like the Internets was some far off black magic voodoo tool, and no one would figure out what just happened.

The take away: 1) Don't live in a silo. 2) Genius drones are still drones, 3) Respect the wizard.

Lesson not learned.

Carry on looting.

3 Quickies

1) Go see the movie Slumdog Millionaire this weekend. It may be the best movie you've seen in years.2) I'm done with cell phones. It's a new trend I'm starting.3) Market at 6K by Christmas.

Happy Holidays!

Damn, It Feels Patriotic Shorting Goldman

Let's review: Credit unwind/ market tsunami makes the awful Ibank model obsolete.

US Treasury policy is hands off, laissez faire. So, Lehman Brothers goes BK, big deal, let them fail says US Treasury Head and Goldman Sachs alum, Henry Paulson.

Then. . . Uh oh, AIG is about to kick it. AIG is counter-party to trillions in defaults swaps with Goldman Sachs (GS). GS ticks below $100 and voila'. . .

TARP!! Mother of All Bailouts! Terror Alert Red! End of the World, we need to act right fucking now! Trillions to the worst companies on the block. Socialize those losses, baby. We must protect Wall Street bonuses, at all costs, for a better tomorrow. . .

And, as expected the taxpayer dollars went directly to the Ibank bonus pool. Now, in a normal earth world, the Ibank Supreme Leaders would have come out months ago, and said, "We are taking no bonuses this year, as a matter of fact we are taking NO COMP this year, or next, until this mess is sorted out."

But Banker-World is another place far removed from earth dwellers. I know, I was there, it is a special planet of delusion, denial and the still strong "not my bad" ethos.

We often borrow the old Wall Street axiom "this will end in tears" in describing most things financial. For everyone involved, including the big gun Democrats that supported this mother of all thefts, this TARP. . .

will end in wailing.

3 Parties, One Country

Greatest trip ever to NYC. Went to several insane parties which is what you do in New York, did you forget? NYC is a bit less crowded, a lot more Euro, and for a second I thought it had lost it's edge.

But, I was re-enlightened when I saw an obese drunk gentleman in a rubber batman mask getting a solid beat-down by like a 60 year bar owner on Second Avenue. It was noon.

But enough violence, I wanna talk about 3 parties in particular.

Perhaps, most surprising to you is that election eve, I was at a Republican rally in suburban New Jersey. That's right, you heard me, Republican rally mutha-fucka!

It gets better.

One of my best bro-dogs, ran and won a City Council Seat as a Repub, and get this, I phone banked for him all day Monday, that's right, I was cold calling Sarah Palin fans all day. Awesome.

I'm bipartisan. Fuck off.

Okay, stop crying, on election day of course, I was at the Obama party in NYC Obama headquarters, which you might guess is in Harlem. That guess would be totally wrong, it's in Park Slope, Brooklyn, whitest place on earth. And yes, I did just make that up (not the white part, the HQ part).

Finally, and least surprising, I was at an awesome apolitical Halloween Party where the guests ranged from Ron Paul Stock Traders, to Ralph Nader Vegans, to Tyler Durden Nihilists, to mostly Not Giving a Fuck Americans.

Awesome parties all. And as an American, I want to rank them.

Whitest: Obama Party (landslide)

Most Diverse: Tyler Durden Party followed closely by the Repub Party

Most People There For the Free Food Only: Repub Party

Most Police: Repub Party

Most Criminals: Durden Party

Best Costumes: 3 way tie, yet only the Durden Party was intentionally for Halloween. The Obama Party beautifully decked as West Wing circa 1996. The Repub Party meticulously garbed as Joe The Plumber circa 2008.

Happiest: Durden Party

So this is officially the greatest country in the world. Where Firemen, EMTs and people that actually save people's lives in real life vote Republican, and the whitest people on earth go Democrat, and the best party of all is run by Tyler Durden.

An amazing time, an amazing place.

God bless America. Gobama, get going.

And. . . We're BACK, baby!! USA! USA! USA!!